@bazecraze: My friend is addicted to interventions and I don't know how to help him.
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@WhatevaConc: People immediately behave better in traffic once they notice the Elf on the Shelf tied to my grille.
@1Happytwit: I've been looking for the lid for this Tupperware container and somehow I'm now three weeks late for work.
@imasmartass37: I caught someone stalking me so I stalked them right back. It got awkward sitting in the same tree staring at each other.