@TrueTorontoGirl: My friend is looking for a single, normal, well adjusted man. I told her to avoid twitter.
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@TySmithdrums: Imagine a drunk porcupine trying to sneak into bed without waking his porcupine wife but his porcupine wife put balloons everywhere.
@SteveSuckington: Teacher: did you cheat on your math test? Me: [remembering having sex with a history exam] umm no way
@10InchesPlus: You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!