@the_anastasia: My friend is so stupid she thought Alabama is a city. Don't worry, I informed her Alabama is the president.
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@Tmoney68: Mistletoe is my favorite Christmas tradition that sounds like a cool as shit superpower.
@RuthePhoenix: Ever miss somebody so much that you wonder why you became a sniper in the first place?
@causticbob: If you play a Microsoft CD backwards, you hear satanic messages. That's nothing, because if you play it forwards, it installs Windows
@mjkspeaks: ME: [waking up from nap] HER: *looking angry* when i said i wanted to sleep with you this isn’t what i meant