@zachreinert03: My friend said a baby crying is the best form of birth control but there was a baby bawling next door all night & my girlfriend got pregnant
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheToddWilliams: [office party, 1842] Ralph Waldo Emerson: The only gift is a portion of thyself Me: Look Ralph, the rules to Secret Santa were very clear
@ElgatoEsmio: Texting you back right away doesn’t make me a psycho. What makes me a pyscho is watching you through your window while petting your cat.
@PaperWash: I'v been catfishing my best friend Dave for the last 3 weeks. He's gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I'm showing these emails to his wife.
@YayForJam: Anyone who's voice doesn't jump a few octaves when talking to a puppy probably kills people for a living