@zachreinert03: My friend said a baby crying is the best form of birth control but there was a baby bawling next door all night & my girlfriend got pregnant
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@Playing_Dad: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you you may be in love with a boomerang.
@vikkaroni: You're never too old to throw random shit in people's shopping carts when they aren't looking.
@TheThomason: Death row last meal? Starfish. Eat a leg, it grows back. Sit back and enjoy a long life eating starfish legs in an electric chair.