@zachreinert03: My friend said a baby crying is the best form of birth control but there was a baby bawling next door all night & my girlfriend got pregnant
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@JermHimselfish: The worst thing about wearing a turtleneck is not being able to get up off of your back if you fall over.
@AmishPornStar1: Trump assures Abe that he supports Japan 100%! "I mean, I saw Godzilla like, 7 times!" says Trump.
@david8hughes: How did you know I was a member of Al Qaida? Was it my knees? Do I have terrorist's knees? Oh, the bomb. Not the knees then? That's good.