@Sirrruh: My friend Stephen misheard me when I invited him to this CrossFit gym. He's going to have a hell of a time running in stilettos.
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@QwertyJones3: [group therapy] "I always feel unnoticed" NINJA: I hear ya CHAMELEON: Same GUY WITH CAMOUFLAGE PANTS: It's like we're all soulmates
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Don't tweet that Me: *thinks about it* Wife: I'll divorce you Me: *thinks harder* Wife: And give you all 4 kids Me: *hits delete*
@aveuaskew: Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should've considered.
@AristotlesNZ: In retrospect, when the cop pulled me over & asked "where's the fire", stroking a lighter & whispering "haven't decided yet" was a mistake.