@zachreinert03: My friends holds her breath driving past cemeteries cause of superstition but I thought she just didn't want to be cocky about breathing
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@DominicStraw: Barber: What would you like today? Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!
@Shot_Of_Cabo: My daughter found a new boyfriend. I'm just glad the police haven't found the old one.
@david8hughes: Cop: so you went out to pick up some fruit when, out of nowhere, 3 ghosts attacked you? Pac-man [wipes tears]: 4. It was 4 ghosts