@zachreinert03: My friends holds her breath driving past cemeteries cause of superstition but I thought she just didn't want to be cocky about breathing
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@chrisdowning: Tweet about drinking too much = 50 quick likes Facebook about drinking too much = A phone call from my mom
@Trustedshoe: Trainer: Run a mile on the track at your own pace. Me: Okay. *starts running* *halley’s comet goes by* *trainer dies of old age* *halley’s comet passes again* *the sun dies* *final episode of the simpsons airs* Me(almost halfway done): Halfway there!
@kelkulus: All those years studying karate saved my life one night, when a man with a gun jumped out of nowhere and demanded I count to 10 in Japanese.