@shutupmikeginn: My funeral instructions to my family were to have me cremated, and I told my best friends under no circumstances should I be cremated.
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@moose_chocolate: I routinely take 8 flights of stairs for no other reason than to avoid idle chit chat in the elevator. See, hating people can be healthy!
@FSUSteve: Ever been in the middle of writing a great tweet and think, did I just run someone over?
@KateQFunny: Just got off 30 min phone call w a friend who has twin 2 yr olds, & even tho i havent had sex in a week I'm taking a morning after pill NOW.
@MacAnnabella: "You're prettier than I remember, you were SO FAT the last time I saw you!" TY Uncle Bob, I was 8months pregnant. *spits in his pumpkin pie