@BruceForce: My gangsta career was brought to an abrupt and tragic end when my homies caught me sipping on a frappucino doing my taxes
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@TheMichaelRock: We'd probably have a lot less crime if superheroes would stop making movies all the time.
@blade_funner: Officer: I'll need to see a photo ID. Me: (pulling out a selfie at an R.E.M. concert) That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight.
@Jenny4ashley: A high five is like a regular five that laughs at everything and gets the munchies.