@JamieGreenlees: My GF left me because she said I lied about stupid things. I was so upset I ate a car park :(
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@JosesLovesYou: If you took your large intestine and stretched it out in a straight line it would be very hard to get it back in you after that. So tangly.
@WorIdComedy: mom: why is there a Hispanic man climbing our balcony me: he is my romeo & I am his Juliet mom: (._. ) me: I'm just kidding call the cops
@FattMernandez: Why does George Zimmerman keep popping up every 6 months or so? Is he the McRib?