@JamieGreenlees: My GF left me because she said I lied about stupid things. I was so upset I ate a car park :(
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@XplodingUnicorn: [5-year-old and 3-year-old scream at each other] Me: Is that how your mom and I settle arguments? 5: You want me to sleep on the couch?
@Pat_Bren: The worst thing about living in the city must be cleaning all the dead parkour people out of your chimney.
@geniusindisgize: If you thought the Dalai Lama giggled alot, then you obviously never met the Mwahaharajah