@Black__Elvis: My girlfriend accused me of sleeping with her sister and I was like, "How can that be possible when her snoring keeps me up all night?"
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@CatherineLMK: Shaking hands is so weird: "Nice to meet you, have some germs and dead skin cells."
@blaudiablogan: It is truly easier to forgive your enemies than figure out how to limit their access to your facebook page.
@JenAshleyWright: Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever.