@Black__Elvis: My girlfriend accused me of sleeping with her sister and I was like, "How can that be possible when her snoring keeps me up all night?"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KalvinMacleod: DOG BOSS: Any messages for me? DOG ASSISTANT: just one from Mr. Agoodboy DOG BOSS: who’s Agoodboy? DOG ASSISTANT: *tail starts wagging*
@lovejulieayn: Snoop Dogg; Shake what'cha momma gave you. Me; Ummm... ok. <vigorously shakes a frozen lasagna>
@Tmoney68: If Twitter has done nothing else, it's trained me to spell words like diarrhea, gonorrhea & chlamydia without spell check.
@balloonsmatt: Your mother and I want you to know that we love you very much, so that’s why we’re getting a divorce and marrying you instead.