@_xLNc: My girlfriend left me for a hindu guy.
Anyway, he'll treat her better - they worship cows.
@skin_and_i: Australian is what happens when the British get wet and eat after midnight
@OBiiieeee: my last girlfriend broke up wth me after she went through my phone and i refused to tell her why i searched for goth grandpas
@sixfootcandy: My neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the crazy naked lady and I'm the only one not invited. Weird.
@jordan_stratton: PAROLE BOARD: And what would you do if released?
PB: Excuse me?
ME: *leans into mic* RHYMES. I'M SUPER INTO POETRY NOW.
@chris_isloi: I'm going to subtly spread my brownie crums across your car because I silently resent you for changing the song.