@_xLNc: My girlfriend left me for a hindu guy.
Anyway, he'll treat her better - they worship cows.
@Gre_Gone: (scientists naming weird spiny thing in a bush)
Scientist 1: This thing sucks
Scientist 2: Yeah!
S1: It's hogging all the hedges!
@DrScienceCat: Parking advice
@howe007: I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "hey, that one over there is shaped like an alcoholic".
@caseytduncan: The worst part about getting kidnapped would be when the news told everyone your real height and weight.
@EJGomez: any man with a ponytail is never more than 15ft away from a katana at any given time