@AntoKenya: My girlfriend once told me she was pregnant. I was so excited that I ran to another country and have never seen her from then.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: I really need to go on the show Survivor. Not for the money or the fame. It's just the only way I'm ever gonna effectively lose weight.
@yonewt: If I had wings, I'd spread them and soar like an eagle for about ten minutes then space out on a phone wire with these fat pigeons