@Mish3l_Ali: My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her.
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@kate_smithxx: I have a dream that one day I’ll be able to toss banana peels out of my car and not be judged as a litterer, but as a Mario Kart strategist.
@AimeeHelene1: When someone at work asks you what you're doing this weekend, just pull a lettuce leaf out of your pocket and slowly start licking it.
@BruceForce: Guys, I'm officially having sex tonight so please don't disturb me between 9.30 and 9.31
@oothikicha: Guy: you've been a bad girl. Girl: yes baby, punish me. Guy: OK. *burns all her shoes*.