@Mish3l_Ali: My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her.
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@juliussharpe: The Super Bowl is a great opportunity to let 200 million people know your ad agency sucks.
@CakeThrottle: Today I learned that wolves are not ticklish. Tomorrow I need to learn how to tie my shoes with one hand.
@torrami: Me: I can't live like this anymore, I need to start eating healthier. Also Me: I couldn't decide between nuggets or a burger so I got both.