@DirtMcTurd: My girlfriend says she's my best friend but she got so mad when I called her a homo and threw a snowball at her face. Women are so confusing
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@oxygenplug: "Hey what should we call our multi-million dollar juice company?" "Juicy Juice" "What? Are you sure? Why don't we-" "Juicy. Juice."
@AbbyHasIssues: Despite evidence to the contrary, I still maintain typing louder and harder will magically make my incorrect password correct.
@tinatbh: All my friends look like a Victoria's Secret model and I look like a Victoria sponge cake