@DirtMcTurd: My girlfriend says she's my best friend but she got so mad when I called her a homo and threw a snowball at her face. Women are so confusing
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@juliussharpe: I don't get why everyone talks so fast in old movies. What was the hurry? There was nothing to do back then.
@ch000ch: *puts crime-scene photos in a rocket* Ok stand back "Detective, what are u doing?" What does it look like, I'm launching this investigation
@KevinFarzad: Grand Theft Auto reminds me of Florida. Except one lets you shoot people without consequence and the other is a video game.
@Marlinaire: Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $1.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.