@Try2StopME: My girlfriend started complaining about my lack of interest in her family. So I dated her sister..
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@Home_Halfway: "I think Esmerelda's in trouble!" "What makes you so sure, Quasimodo?" "I have a..." ... *sunglasses* ... *turns to camera* ... hunch."
@CruisinSoozan: Anyone want to do the laundry for me? Im exhausted. I can pay you in beanie babies or hot monkey sex. The monkey's name is Earl. He bites.
@WildeThingy: Jamaica has declared war on drugs. Actually, they pretty much do everything on drugs.
@ArfMeasures: [Inventing Squash] FRIEND: What are you doing? ME: I just [smashes ball] really hate this wall FRIEND: u know what [grabs racket] so do I