@GreenSmoke_: My girlfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate. Now I have two girlfriends.
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@HousewifeOfHell: My daughter told me I'm "slightly prettier than Ben Franklin," so I have that going for me.
@Home_Halfway: If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it's an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
@CrazyClarine: After Paris my Airbnb host tried to say I stained her sheets & headboard w/ hair dye, but the gag is I don't wear hair to bed.
@internetluke: [on date] Here, let me help you with your jacket! *i gently remove her jacket* This is mine now. Cya