@lazerdoov: My girlfriend told me she's "spotting" and I'm like yeah right for who? You can't even bench 50 Lbs lol
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@NotOnTheMoors: There's a section of my fridge/freezer devoted to ageing things I bought because the free sample in the supermarket was quite tasty.
@HousewifeOfHell: What's it called when you're anxious enough to be a Helicopter Mom, but really, really lazy? A Blimp Mom? Yeah, I'm that.
@SteveSuckington: Wanna get rich? Buy my book, 'How to Get Stupid People on the Internet to Send You $39.95' for only $39.95.
@Just_Lee_: A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.