@TitansHomer: My goal weight: To not look like a "before" picture.
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@dafloydsta: [at a funeral] *approaches the weeping widow and embraces her* *whispers* "So you're single now, right?
@LoveNLunchmeat: The good news is I'm pretty much who I say I am. The bad news is I'm pretty much who I say I am.
@C3Ballin: Life was simpler when photo albums were books containing pleasant family snaps and not digital online librarys of me puking in a shoe.
@DaddyJew: Me: in a parallel world I am a huge success Medic: please stop moving your arm so we can get it out of the vending machine