@TitansHomer: My goal weight: To not look like a "before" picture.
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@chimneyspotter: ME: Mexican food does NOT agree with me BURRITO: Correct. Your thoughts on middle eastern power structures are banal and imperialist at best
@JohnLyonTweets: I said goodbye to everyone at a party and then mistakenly walked into a closet and was too embarrassed to walk back out so I live here now.
@Pro_Jones_: *Listening to red hot chili peppers* Me: You call that music? I can't even hear anything! Worker: Sir, stop putting produce to your ear.
@ClamDive: Every episode of my life starts with a short recap and the voice over says "Previously on wasted potential..."