@ArfMeasures: "My grammar is terrible," I said untruthfully, as I lied on the bed.
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@BuckyIsotope: Did you know that if everyone in the U.S. donated just one pint of blood, we could pour it over the Statue of Liberty and be hella cool?
@ArfMeasures: [after my murder] COP: Can u think why anyone would want to kill him? WIFE: Christ yes *starts Power Point presentation* Make yourself comfy
@david8hughes: [phone rings] "Mr Hughes?" "Yeah." "We need u to come pick yr son up from school." "Ugh. Whats he done now?" "Nothing. Its nearly midnight."