@ArfMeasures: "My grammar is terrible," I said untruthfully, as I lied on the bed.
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@realHamOnWry: *smudges lipstick* *smears eyeliner* *gets mascara on earlobe* *never tries make-up sex again*
@Mr_Kapowski: [fancy restaurant] Wife: How was the bathroom? Me: The bathroom attendant doesn't come in and help when you yell "WIPE" from the stall