@mikealfredcaine: my grandad came to this country with four pounds in his pocket, my nan was holding a suitcase full of cash & heroin
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@thejessbess: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm not so sure what I did, but he sent me a text that only said, "K" so it must be pretty bad.
@ChrisIsJoking: It's weird they report fantasy football during Sports Center. That's like the local news telling us how your SimCity is doing.
@jaboukie: me: *is guillotined in a whole foods* cnn: Man Beheaded In Grains Section Has Dark Past Of Illegally Downloading T-Pain Songs In 2007