@mikealfredcaine: my grandad came to this country with four pounds in his pocket, my nan was holding a suitcase full of cash & heroin
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@OneTrickTofani: Just so u know guys I literally covered my roommates bed in 324 pieces of cornbread 2 make it a "cornbed" so ur fakes puns mean nothing 2 me
@AthenaMystique: I hope buying all this cat food doesn't make me look like a crazy cat lady. I just like the taste.
@hippieswordfish: joe: siri address me as poopyhead siri: okay poopyhead *obama enters* barack: joe have you seen my phone? joe: yep here *runs away giggling*
@beefman138: 3 : Daddy, can we watch Frozen? Me : Sorry, darling. We can't watch Frozen in the summer because all the characters will melt.