@mikealfredcaine: my grandad came to this country with four pounds in his pocket, my nan was holding a suitcase full of cash & heroin
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@DanLaMorte: I was on a date with a girl and she said "did you notice my finger nails?" And I was like "yes" and she was like "well I have no arms"
@TheAlexNevil: Her: I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you *she stabs me Me:..but...you...didn't...tell...me She: Yes I did. You never listen.
@steveolivas: I like twitter because having one-sided conversations with virtually no feedback reminds me a lot of being a parent.