@MountainDouche: My grandma has been lying to me for years. A watched pot really does boil. Moral of the story, trust no one.
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@Brampersandon_: OCTOPUS: *places tentacle on Bible* JUDGE: Do u swear to tell the truth? O: Yes BAILIFF: *spends like 8 minutes trying to get Bible unstuck*
@Midgetspar: Being a "Hopeless Romantic" sounds kinda depressing. "Pull my chair out for me?" .. "I'd love to, but I've given up."
@mydanimarie: Guns don't kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.