@markleggett: My hairdresser told me that his marriage is crumbling. So, here’s my business idea: A hair salon where they don’t tell me shit like that.
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@daplusk: Somebody called me 'pretentious' the other day.nnI nearly choked on my decaf double choc mocha latte.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Loves Abortions Brenda' or 'Eats Her Feelings Julie'.
@michaelianblack: Science question: can somebody please explain how tiny, tiny swimsuits make Olympians dive better?
@suntzufuntzu: "What if Waldo finds me first?" I ask naively. Grandma closes the book; the blood drains from her face. "Don't let that happen," she warns.