@bingowings14: My hangover has been going on for so long that I'm beginning to wonder if Peter Jackson directed it.
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@Elizasoul80: [slashing food truck tires] friend: wtf are you doing?! [running away with arms filled with tacos] YOU COMIN OR NOT?!
@E_lok44: [After date, walking her to her door] Her: Thanks. I would invite you in, but I don't want to.
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [at gym] *spends 45 minutes untangling headphones *drops phone, squats to pick it up Phew! Good workout! *leaves