@JennyJohnsonHi5: My heart goes out to all the parents who are about to see how much weight their kids have gained at college during the Thanksgiving break.
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@rockymomax: ME: long time no see! I heard you're a doctor FRIEND: I am. what do you do now? ME: [glances down at open twitter app] I'm a writer
@Amburglar_: Mad at your man? Five minutes before he gets home, turn on "Pitch Perfect" then hide the remote in the dishwasher.