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@FeelingMervis: "My Heart Mustard Go On" - Celine Dijon
@jonni_howard: "Your storage is full" thanks Apple, I'll just go and delete some photos of friends and family, but at least I'll always have the stocks app
@BlindChow: [aircraft carrier]
*paints a T on the helipad*
Captain: No it has to have an H
*train sounds approaching*
Captain: Oh dear god
@DrunkMidLife: If you think my tweets are bad, you should see my choice in men.
@SirEviscerate: Can I buy you a drink?
"I don't drink."
*panics* Oh. Um...well, here's $12.
@GoddamnedZombie: I get Bi with a little help from my friends.