@Dallani: My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
@AllanCresswell: There's no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
@NicestHippo: Don't worry about choosing between a job you love & one that pays money because you won't be able to find either
@primawesome: My uncle used to ruin every Thanksgiving with his drinking problem, but now he found Jesus and ruins it with that.
@OutOfLeftField_: Ex: Do you ever think of someone else when we have sex?
Me: No, it's always George Clooney.
@MagsDickson: Simply brilliant...