@Dallani: My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
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@professorxavi: To me, God will always be that guy that could've made Pokemon or Star Wars real but instead was all like, "Nah bruh, malaria and AIDS."
@timdonakowski: After weeks of being called lazy, not only did I put up all our Christmas decorations today, I also took them down.
@Tuna_Lover: I took my turtle for a walk. It's been six months and we are finally at the end of my driveway.