@Dallani: My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
@JerynnNicole: Sure, I'll cook dinner.
How milky do you like your Captain Crunch?
@kimt205: An egg just followed me. Now I just need some bacon.
@Dank_Pal: ~Little Mermaid family meeting~
Ariel.... We found this hidden in your top drawer.
*places sea cucumber on table*
@titusbb: A roofie? .. but how does a roof take a picture of itself? I'm so confused.
@bobvulfov: NICK CANNON: hello and welcome to america's got talent
HAWK: [hiding his talons behind his back] i misunderstood the title of this show