@Dallani: My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
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@KalvinMacleod: ME: Raising two kids on my own has been a real struggle. WIFE: I'm only gone for two days. ME: They call me momdad now, which is bittersweet
@Reverend_Scott: Inspirational tweet: There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope yours is a freight train.
@FBSisnothere: "Ladies, calm down. Girlfriend, wife, whatever. The important thing is that between the 2 of you, you brought enough to post my bail"