@Dallani: My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
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@pleatedjeans: [high school reunion] Amanda: wow, you haven't changed a bit me: [covered in acne and wearing faded Pokemon shirt]: yeah I know
@Lowenaffchen: Glue a tiny mirror over your driver's license photo so when you hand it to the cops they get confused and start arresting themselves instead
@thesupergrobi: I love you so much, I'll just sit at home and stare at my phone to make you notice.