@cupcakelynda: My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
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@thejessbess: Hey Guinevere *knight flips up his visor* Hast thou considered my proposal? Because *unsheathes blade* I'm sword of a big deal.
@TEXASVETERAN: A hooker once showed me her dollar menu. Her meat actually did resemble McDonald's.
@EliTerry: Imagine a bunch of Italian mobsters tiptoeing and trying not to giggle as they gingerly place a horse head in bed with a sleeping guy.
@StarrsWar: No officer I didn't mean to run him over. Yes I saw him but I thought he was my ex, and clearly he is not my ex.