@pinningnut: My husband and I are thinking about leaving everything to our dog. What he will do with $20.00 I don't know. But I hope he enjoys it.
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@haleysfalling: [showing people around museum] and if u look to ur left you'll see a bunch of uppity people who get reaaal weird when you lick the paintings
@GrillinChillin9: Want to feel old? Have a kid ask you why it's called "rolling down the car window" when all you do is press a button.
@TheNardvark: TRAIN TIP: A few minutes before the train arrives at your destination, get up and crowd around the exit so you can wait faster.
@gerryhallcomedy: Two years ago I became a proud father. My son is 6, but he was kinda lame those first four years.