@pinningnut: My husband and I are thinking about leaving everything to our dog. What he will do with $20.00 I don't know. But I hope he enjoys it.
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@Emonalisha: If you piss me off in the grocery store I will get in line in front of you and pay for a single banana with a personal check
@bourgeoisalien: A skinny friend told me she's never hungry and just 'forgets to eat', so I drove her out to the woods and left her for dead. Is that wrong?
@ArfMeasures: Breath escapes my broken body. I collapse amid dark, icy spears of pain. The fight's done. It's over. GYM INSTRUCTOR: You've done 9 seconds
@david8hughes: Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: we'll worry about him in an hour then