@zwina_summer: My husband asked me why I never blink during sex, I told him there just isn't enough time.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@david8hughes: [end of 1st round of my UFC debut] Corner man: how you feeling? Me [out of breath]: horny Corner man: yeah you gotta stop trying to kiss him
@TheWeirdWorld: A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
@thongbeard: Selfies are just sad reminders that you have no friends willing to take pictures of your face and cleavage.
@Marlebean: Being iced in for 2 days gave me the opportunity to get so much housework done! I didn't do any of it. But I certainly had the opportunity.