@Naggalie: My husband asks too many questions. "Who is Steve?" "Why does he call all the time?" "What's this bill for a hotel room?"
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@Wine_Honey1: When placing an order online for a baby shower cake, make sure you're not half asleep. COPULATIONS! IT'S A BOY just confuses everyone.
@flashember: [after robots take over] *drones crash into my kitchen* ME: [mouthful of ham] whobithrayed me? *fridge starts laughing* BUT U WERE MY FABRIT
@AaronFullerton: "Oh, don't use that picture of me, honey. Please, I look so old in that one. You must have a better picture." -Whistler's Mother
@HiddenPinky: "This does not bode well." - a guy at the returns desk, explaining why he's returning a boder.