@KateWhineHall: My husband is playing Super Mario Bros with our sons and one of them is having a MAJOR tantrum. Sadly, it's my husband.
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@TheRobCee: [Taylor Swift on toilet, going #2. Kanye jumps out of her shower] "Yo, Taylor- I'm really happy for you & I'm-a let you finish, but..."
@peachesanscream: Told my friends that I was qualified to give them Botox injections. I raised a few eyebrows.
@brynnester: Boss: *introducing me to new co workers* This is Linda. She always answers the phone Me: How are you Linda? Linda: The phone Boss: See