@SuburbanComa: My husband is turning 58 tomorrow. Join me wishing him "Jesus, you're how old?"
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@LeBearGirdle: [invents time machine and goes back to the dinosaurs] "in a few years its gonna be really cold" *hands them mixtape* "you're gone need this"
@KevinFarzad: Hmm ok Trump may have said another horrible thing but let’s not forget Hillary once texted a friend “Omw!” while she was still in the shower
@MythicPicnic: A Spartan boy was ripped from his mother at seven and subjected to daily beatings My mother calls at 40+ to make sure that I'm still eating