@SuburbanComa: My husband is turning 58 tomorrow. Join me wishing him "Jesus, you're how old?"
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@WorkingMom86: My toddler woke up upset because he couldn't find his glasses, but what really set him off was when I told him he doesn't even wear glasses.
@MattMcC1: "nice dog or cat or baby or whatever" i offer politely, my eyes scanning the room for the taco dip. "was it expensive?"
@Lisabug74: My mom sometimes texts me pictures of Buddha with an inspirational text like: "Be kind to others, Evil Lisa"