@SuburbanComa: My husband is turning 58 tomorrow. Join me wishing him "Jesus, you're how old?"
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@buhsbaby_baby: Spiderman ruined romance for me. Please don't even think of kissing me unless you're hanging upside down from a building.
@MadamBetteNoire: Pollen count so high, junkies are trying to uncook their meth back to Sudafed.
@Sarcasticsapien: People in love use phrases like "takes my breath away" and "swept me off my feet". I think they're confusing love with attempted murder.