@DarkerWillow: My husband thinks it's really weird I only like green bananas and I think it's really weird I have a husband.
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@sara_ashlynn: Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
@onelongbender: Fun Fact: When the bartender asks if you want two or three fingers, he isn't always talking about the liquor.
@JohnDuffy21: Relationships are a lot like algebra.. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
@DillDoes: *throws king crab into tank of normal crabs* Go, lead them to freedom, this is your birthright