@DarkerWillow: My husband thinks it's really weird I only like green bananas and I think it's really weird I have a husband.
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@OBiiieeee: Yo son, do you like nachos? "Hell yeah!" *son goes in for high 5* That's good, 'cause I'm nacho real dad *rejects high 5* You're adopted lol
@thatUPSdude: Cop; Know why I pulled you over? Me; Because you got beat up in high school Cop;....... Me; Because you got beat up in high school, Sir?
@hpb777: Me: *texts* How'd you sleep? Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.
@Coops_Bradley: Just found out I'm pregnant. At least that's what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.