@tastefactory: "My husband's a talented voice actor & his brother's a makeup artist but nah this old lady is a different person" -the mom in Mrs. Doubtfire
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@SoVeryBritish: How to fix something: -Say "let's have a look" -Describe the brokenness -Break it a bit more -Say "nah it's broken" -Place hands on hips
@ElitatheLibra: Miles: Mom what does clitoral damage mean? Me: 😳 Use it in a sentence, baby Miles: Like clitoral damage in a war? Me: Co-lat-er-ul, babe
@david8hughes: "You're in no position to be making demands." [does a handstand] "Company helicopter & 2 months extra vacation." "Fair enough.
@TitansHomer: Failed biology because apparently the answer to "what is commonly found in cells?" Isn't "Blacks and Mexicans"