@RocketRankoon: My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: the one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.
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@AimeeHelene1: Him: The ceiling is dripping water!! Me: No, that's just God crying. *panics thinking about the ice castle I built for my stolen penguin*
@thebeckyard: Angry beavers can't get our packaging open, but go ahead and try in your weakened state lol -cold medicine companies
@k_lli: A guy was honking at a car ahead of him to speed up at 6AM so I followed him bc his job must be amazing if he's that excited to get to work.
@JaneBadall: I always leave the room when my son's imaginary friend comes to play. I've seen 'The Sixth Sense' and frankly, I'm not taking any chances.