@theawkwardful: My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
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@GrantTanaka: a good way to greet new neighbors is by practicing your pitchfork-throwing in the front yard & impressing them w/ your deadly accuracy
@SooInnocentDad: My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home
@WilliamRodgers: I played Dodgeball... I got Bullied.... I ate Gluten... I didn't get Participation Trophies... I turned out fine... So will your kid...
@PaperWash: Super Mario is so unrealistic. No brother would ever help find his missing sister in law.