@Scott_A_Gilmore: My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
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@AimeeHelene1: Me: Yes, I'd like the Mexican massage. Masseuse: The what? Me: *hands him taco seasoning and sour cream* Masseuse: Me: Let's go, chop chop.
@miilkkk: If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I'm having sex. Probably with the other sock.
@SlabBaconBP: My son asked me what humble means. I told him it means pretending you're not better than everybody else.
@RamblingMachine: My Mother asked me to suggest names for my brother's prospective children. I said I'll name the girl 'Denise' and the boy 'Denephew'.