@kelkulus: My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses.
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@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, why do I have to go to bed so early? Me: Because we have had enough of you for today
@KentTheG: When co-workers ask if the photos on my desk are my kids, I like to say, "No, they're Dan's from accounting. But they're so cute!"
@RamblingMachine: If you watch Jaws backwards, it's about a shark with gastritis that keeps throwing up people until they all have fun on the beach.
@NYC_Blonde: There should be an option on travel websites that let's you search for "flights that are least likely to have noisy children".