@TheCatWhisprer: My iPhone won't even recognize my fingerprint unless it's got crumbs on it.
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@novicefather: My wife is addicted to goji berries but I wish she was addicted to something cheaper like cocaine.
@drinksmcgee: Knuckle Tats (I) (H)(A)(V)(E) (W)(A)(Y) (T)(O)(O) (M)(A)(N)(Y) (F)(I)(N)(G)(E)(R)(S)
@TheAlexNevil: Parents: don't give your child the answers to his homework. He needs to learn on his own that you don't know what you're talking about.
@sageboggs: How to Be Good At Twitter 1. don't be 2. don't have that be your goal 3. aim higher 4. seriously, go outside or something