@TheCatWhisprer: My iPhone won't even recognize my fingerprint unless it's got crumbs on it.
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@TheToddWilliams: [back from the ultrasound] MOTHER-IN-LAW: So did you see the fetus? ME: Fetus, handus, legus...there was practically a whole baby in there!
@Manda_like_wine: Whenever you're having a bad day, think of the guy who has to put the circus tent back in its bag.