@Paxochka: My IQ score says I'm intelligent. My dating history disagrees.
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@iGreenMonk: How girls put on their pants: *Left leg* *Right leg* *Wiggle* *Wiggle* *Jump* *Jump* *Squat* *Stretch* Done..
@AndyAsAdjective: *sips some coffee & interrupts break room conversation* "Technically we're all under the weather today unless you're an astronaut in orbit"
@ch000ch: *puts crime-scene photos in a rocket* Ok stand back "Detective, what are u doing?" What does it look like, I'm launching this investigation
@CineRobert: "Waaaah, my boyfriend is a jerk, but I'm gonna tell twitter instead of him because I have the communication skills of a sea anemone."