@NotThatKristi: My jeans say "no more Christmas goodies" but my leggings are like "we got you, gurrrl"
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@sumpeoplelikeit: The person sleeping next to you is statistically more likely to murder you than any other person on the entire planet. Do the dishes.
@fro_vo: [spelling bee] Your word is "redacted" can you use it in a sentence? The ██ ████ is █████ ████ and ██ ████.
@KattWillFerrell: DOG: I think that job interview went well! *looks in mirror and sees ear was inside-out the whole time* Son of a
@Sophie2078: Never date an intelligent, incredibly handsome, wealthy man. He's a violent psychopath that wants to kill you *things i learned from horrors