@NotThatKristi: My jeans say "no more Christmas goodies" but my leggings are like "we got you, gurrrl"
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@Ristolable: He died doing what he loved: typing his symptoms into WebMD instead of going to the doctor
@anerdonfire2: The good news: She actually gave me her number The bad news: She asked for it back after I fell and tripped into a plant walking away
@tnylgn: Keeping tic-tacs in your pocket lets people know you're more embarrassed of your breath than you are of sounding like a human maraca