@librarianfonz: My job is like defeating a final boss in a video game: I spend hours doing it, and when I finally do, it doesn't matter to anyone else.
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@therealeatwood: GURU: You have achieved the state of sakṛdāgāmin: you will reach nirvāṇa within seven lifetimes ME: [slipping him a $20] How about six
@Parentpains: Avoid confrontations in the work place by slashing your coworker's tires while they sleep.
@LoveNLunchmeat: When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
@AphroditeAfter5: My boyfriend wants to do it like three times a week-----together. He's so demanding!