@skizzyl: My kid keeps getting his pants leg wrapped in the chain of his bike, it's a vicious cycle.
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@fillthevacuum: Don't get it. Heard the phrase "keep your friends clothes & keep your enemies clothes, sir". Now I have a bunch of naked people angry at me.
@hipstermermaid: I'm going to go to the gym and then to eat a Doritos Loco Taco, because I like to keep my body guessing whether or not I hate it.
@Sassafrantz: The average person has sex 103 times a year and it's almost March so that means only 103 more to go.
@TheSadnesses: [first date] “So… you didn’t mention that you’re trapped in 230 million year old amber.” [my motionless eyes glint within my golden shell]