@FilthyRichmond: My kids are mad at me because I never unwrap the cheese slices in their sandwiches
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@internetluke: Man down! Send in back up! *wife comes rushing in the room* "What happened?!" *i dip another chip in the salsa to rescue the broken chip*
@genehunter1: After the delicious brownies have all been consumed following my funeral, a video of me will inform everyone that they just ate my ashes.
@InternetHippo: [creating x-men] A wheelchair-bound visionary leads his people through a major conflict "That's literally WWII" Ok then…one guy has claws
@Xoolun: Been having a problem with diarrhea & its unbearable The doc said lemons will help I said I know but as soon as I take 1 out it starts again