@KellyMeldrum: My kids are so aware that I'm a bad driver that if I start the car before they have their seatbelts on, they cry.
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@SuperShourds: My 4 year told me my tummy looks soft and squishy today, so I put her barbies on the highest shelf on the house.
@Yankeegiant72: The bad news: I shaved off my beard. The good news: none of my co-workers recognize me and have stopped talking to me.
@rachelle_mandik: BOSS: It's come to my attention that you've disabled attachments for emails. You have to fix that. BUDDHA: But attachments cause suffering.