@KalvinMacleod: My kids are starting to ask questions that I don't know the answers to so I'm going to have to trade them in for dumber models.
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@UncleDuke1969: Brain: You've got ONE shot at this. Me: Ready. Brain: Go talk to her. "YOUR HAIR IS THE COLOR OF HONEY CAN I TASTE IT?!?" Brain: Magical!
@Brianhopecomedy: "Daddy, I-" *presses button for soundproof backseat divider Wife: "HOW MUCH DID-" *presses button for soundproof passenger seat divider
@MAngelo505: My doctor says I should lose 10 lbs and work out more. But why? Spanx launched a men's line.
@Ivsy01: Her: I like how you did your hair today. Me: OMG thank you, I passed out in my closet last night.