@MamaFizzles: My kids made a mess this morning pretending to be leprechauns. They don't know it yet, but after school they get to pretend to be janitors.
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@bourgeoisalien: Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead, who would they be? Me: Can they both be dead?
@Shower4Thought: I wonder if a murderer has ever crossed my path, contemplated murdering me, and then thought "nah".
@truegritrumble: Tired of being hit by cars? Fed up with being scraped off the road? Sick of fighting off vultures after you've been pancaked? Sidewalks™
@Smooheed: 'Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?'