@MamaFizzles: My kids made a mess this morning pretending to be leprechauns. They don't know it yet, but after school they get to pretend to be janitors.
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@DaddyJew: Oatmeal cookies always be the last ones in a variety pack looking up at you like "how badly do you want a cookie?"
@Eatingyourwords: cut a hole in the bottom of my tub of popcorn while on a date so when she goes for some she accidentally grabs a copy of my mixtape
@GrantTanaka: at my funeral, I need one of you to stand up and ask if you can have your toaster back