@sarcasticmommy4: My kids said they wanted to try something new this summer so I showed them how to vacuum & do laundry.
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@seamusmckracken: Confuse people by affixing “but not necessarily at this juncture” to the end of each sentence.
@vexroid: I was voted "most friendly" at my high school in 10th grade. It was at this point in my life that I knew serious changes were in order.
@MichaelTrying: The worst part of being named Michael is repeatedly being broken up with via a text that states *drops Mike*
@TheHyyyype: CONDUCTOR: all aboard! ME: i'm pretty bored CONDUCTOR: no, i meant everyone on the train ME: oh, i'm sure they're bored too