@sarcasticmommy4: My kids say I need to stop trying to embarrass them but joke's on them because I'm not even trying.
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@kidsrgross: Friend: I think I’m ready for children. Is it hard being a parent? Me: *sips coffee* I’ve been trying to finish this coffee for 5 years...
@DukEB51: My wife is such a bad cook,if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
@JesKeepSwimming: THERE ARE 7 BILLION PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. WHY WOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH KITCHENWARE? Oh, that's not what pansexual means. Carry on then.
@pissrifle: this is ur brain *an egg* this is drugs *a frying pan* this is ur brain on drugs *egg & frying pan wearing sunglasses*