@sarcasticmommy4: My kids say I need to stop trying to embarrass them but joke's on them because I'm not even trying.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: If you need motivation to workout this evening, Justin Bieber changed his Instagram name to Bizzle. Now go ahead, get out that aggression.
@max_pad21: Patient: "How much longer do I have doc? Doctor: "Ten." Patient: "Ten what?" Doctor: "Nine..."
@KentWGraham: There should be a place on the organ donor card that lets you leave your middle finger to a person you hate.