@XplodingUnicorn: My kids teach me something every day. Today my 1-year-old taught me how much plumbers cost per hour. Who flushes a potato?
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@envydatropic: I will never have to admit to a mistake at work when I can blame the last person who quit
@o__0Dev: I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
@thtchicmichelle: Sent this guy 27 texts in the last hour and haven't heard back so I guess I should probably drive over to his house and make sure he's okay.
@botandy: 9 out of 10 archaeologists agree, the 10th one should not have uttered incantations to unlock the cursed bonds holding that Sumerian daemon